I honestly can’t believe I haven’t posted this one yet. I could have sworn I did but I looked back over them all and couldn’t find it. This fail is a short series of messages from one guy and my smartass responses.
Him: Im your man
Me: My man for what exactly?
Him: For the best sex u have ever had oh and yes ill long dick
Me: Huh… I didn’t know that the letter u likes long dick and sex. Have fun with that letter!
I did ignore the grammar on the first message… and I’m assuming he meant “ill long” like crazy long. Unless he was just trying to have “I have”. Either way… I don’t know why he never responded! And apparently he no longer has a profile, go figure.
I decided to do a follow up review for the Shunga Arousal Gel because I recently tossed my bottle in the trash. Not because it got funky or anything but because I used it all. The original review was posted September 2011, so yes, the little bottle has lasted me that long. I used it fairly frequently too, but a tiny bit is all you really need. It’s one of the few products I have actually used until it runs out. Even when I’ve gotten other arousal gels to try, I still come back to this one. I’m actually considering getting a new bottle of it. *gasp* me paying real money for something is big news!
The New Run Down:
- Toy Type: Pleasure Gels and Creas
- Ingredients: Water, Glycerin, Propylene Glycol, L-Arginine HCL, L-Ornithine HCL, Hydroxyethylcellulose,Damiana Extract, Peppermint Oil, Capsicum O.R., Vitamin E
- Size: 1 oz
- Price: $17.99
- Original Pros: Nice box and bottle; Comes with good pamphlets; Good texture; Nice stimulation
- New Pros: Subtle stimulation but good; Bottle lasts a long while; Good texture and doesn’t get sticky
- Originals Cons: A bit costly; Contains glycerin and L-Arginine; Could produce more stimulation
- New Cons: Bottle started to get gummy inside the cap; Contains glycerin and L-Arginine
- Original Rating: 3/5
- New Rating: 4/5
- Recommended: Yes
If you’re still not sure check out my original review. The cheapest place I’ve found right now to buy it is over at Eden Fantasys. Check out the Shunga Arousal Gel and other Shunga products there!
Slowly getting back into reviews… today I have this month’s review from the Cal Exotic Sexpert program. They sent me one of the items from their new Nick Hawk Gigolo line, the Keyless Cuffs. This line is based on a new hit series on Showtime called Gigolos.
The Run Down:
- Toy Type: Bondage
- Manufacturer: California Exotic Novelties
- Materials: Polyurethane; Nickel-Free Alloy Iron with Silver Plating
- Size: 16.5″ total length; 5.5″ loop length
- Price: $24.99
- Pros: Look nice; Very adjustable; Easy to use and quick to remove; Decently strong built
- Cons: Pretty easy to get out of; Loop material has little give
- Overall Rating: 4.5/5
- Recommended: Yes
Continue reading Review: Nick Hawk Keyless Cuffs
This week’s sex position comes from an article I came across called Sex Positions that Double as Exercise. I figured since I’m trying to eat better and such that this would be a good choice. Mostly it’s common positions, but I did come across one that’s a little more advanced, The Bridge.
This position is not for the weak of heart and it wouldn’t hurt if you’re fairly skilled in yoga. The receiving partner gets in a bridge-like position as shown. You can help by having a tower of pillows under your back to help support your weight, but it will really work your butt and inner-thighs. It will also work your biceps, triceps, abs, and calves. Unless you are gold medal gymnast I wouldn’t expect to hold this position for too long. The giving partner can also help by supporting her lower back and butt to help take some of the strain off her. This position is targeted for a quick bit of fun before moving on to another position.
I’m sure I’ve mentioned how bad of a reviewer I’ve been… I do feel horrible about it but nothing I can really do about it besides getting caught up and such. Today I’m going to review a product from Pure Romance from the consultant Elizabeth Tally. She was kind enough to send me the Serenity Aromatherapy Massage Lotion to review many many months ago.
The Run Down:
- Toy Type: Massage Lotion
- Manufacturer: Pure Romance
- Ingredients: Water, Safflower Seed Oil, Ethylhexyl Palmitate, Glyceryl Stearate SE, Glycerin, Cetearyl Alcohol, Jojoba Seed oil, Coconut Oil, Cyclopentasiloxane Stearic Acid, Dimethiconol, Shea Butter, Grape Seed Oil, Glyceryl Dilaurate, Sweet Almond Seed oil, Dimethicone, Evening Primrose Oil, Allantoin, Sodium PCA, Vitamin E, Polysorbate 60, Sunflower Flower Extra, Rosehip Fruit Extract, Passion Flower Extract, Evening Primrose Root Extract, Fragrance, Propylene Glycol, Diazolidinyl Urea, Methylparaben, Propylparaben
- Size: 4 oz
- Price: $20.00
- Pros: Lasts longer than lotion; Spreads easily; Doesn’t cause breakouts; Smells better after rubbed in
- Cons: Smells a bit like house hold cleaner; Eventually broke down; Doesn’t last as long as an oil
- Overall Rating: 3.5/5
- Recommended: Yes, but maybe the other scent
Continue reading Review: Serenity Massage Lotion
Another one from OkCupid today. This one is a guy that I had talked with on one of my other profiles and was not interested in. I suppose he doesn’t remember me though and sent me this message:
“ello! How are you? My name is Brian. Whats your favorite color? How was your week? What are you looking forward to? I am 29 and live in Salem Virginia. I am a Honest and blunt guy looking for fun. I love music movies reading sports and hanging with friends. What are you looking for?”
Copy pasta? Seems most likely. Especially with the questions. But the favorite color and week just seem like odd things to ask… and what I’m looking forward to. Looking forward too when? The weekend? I suppose this is his attempt to seem interested without actually reading a profile.
You may not recognize today’s hunk when he’s not covered in zombie blood, guts, dirt, and sweat. Today I give you Andrew Lincoln, another request from the survey, who plays Rick on The Walking Dead. He’s played in many TV movies as well, though nothing I have heard of.
Serious and sultry
Kinda smiling (not his strong suit)
The cleaned up sheriff (before the zombies)
Today I’m going to share a message I received on OkCupid back when I first started my newest account. The guy is fairly attractive and really from his profile I have nothing to pick on him about. But he sent me this message:
“would let you do anything to me ”
Anything? Really? I could think of a few things…
The real catcher is the match percentage If you’re on OkCupid, you know you get a match percentage for match, friend, and enemy. With this guy, I have a 99% enemy rating and 0 for both friend and match. We have a good deal of questions in common, but only a few that we disagree on. Perhaps he has selected mandatory for those few and that is why? I don’t know, it seems very strange. That’s more of a fail on OkCupids part. Or maybe they just know something I don’t.
This week’s position comes from the Sex Position Playbook by Men’s Health called the Swiss Ball Blitz.
For this position you do need some special equipment, you do need one of those big exercise balls and it could get a little dangerous, be sure to not have any sharp corners nearby! Have the giving partner sit on the ball with his or her feet on the floor. The receiving partner should sit with their legs over their partners knees and use the knees as a grip. You should have a small enough ball that the receiving partner can reach the floor at least some for leverage. The extra bounce from the ball should make it interesting! You can probably even do some rolling. This puts the receiver in control so they can get the perfect angle for g-spot and it leaves them open for their partners hands to wander. I think this may be worth getting an exercise ball for!
Today’s fail is actually a profile that I had saved a while back to write about. I was going through old stuff and came across this guy. I am assuming he used to live near the area I am in, but now he is in New York. For his profession he lists “Jesus is Lord/Basketball Agent”. I didn’t realize loving Jesus was a whole profession, well unless you’re a minister I suppose. His interests are “God, Jesus, family, Basketball, people”. And here is the rest of his shining profile:
I hate to bring tears to your eyes, but I’m probably not the guy that’s going to marry you. I know I know, I’m such a heartbreaker for bringing you such bad news. But, the Good News is that JESUS loves you so much that He died on a cross and rose again so that you might have eternal life and a relationship with GOD through Him. And all you have to do is ask GOD to forgive you of your sins to receive these wonderful gifts. That’s more love than myself or any other man can offer you. There are definitely plenty of fish but only one heaven. Hopefully we can see each other there.
Er… what? Is he trying to find someone to date or just convert people or just tell them that Jesus loves you? There’s no information about him, other than he’s into basketball and God, but the way he phrases it is as if he’s not looking to have a relationship. Very confusing… Either way, I think this would be much better suited for Christian Mingle.