Today’s fail, I decided to pull one from Fetlife. I haven’t been getting too many stupid messages on there lately, but this was actually from a conversation I started.
Me: I dig the Torchwood quote in your profile. Makes me want to go back and re-watch it to find it. It’s been a while.
Him: Hi there, thanks, yep, I’m definitely a fan of the show, but also meant the quote. How goes your week, anything interesting happen?
Me: Nothing too interesting. Trying to get back into a regular schedule and getting work done and such. Have you gotten out to any events?
It seemed to be going well and we seemed to have a good deal in common. However a month went by and nothing. People do get busy and loose interest, but then a month later I got this message:
Him: A munch, yes, and I was planning on going to more…and then something unexpected happen…I was struck by the awesomeness of a young lady I recently happened upon; for starters, she climbed 10 miles up to Mt. Everest base camp. I’ve been spending most of my free time with her.
For me, it was the detail here. He could have just said “Sorry, I met someone”, but he felt the need to include here life achievements. Adding the detail, especially for such a big feat, just seems like he’s rubbing my face in it. Oh you were okay, but look at how much MORE interesting this person is! Thanks dude…
Today I’m showing off a toy that you don’t hear much about anymore, but it’s one of my favorite things in my box, the Nob essence Fling. I have the mahogany version and it’s beautiful.
Yep, per usual another real winner from OkCupid. This guy I’ve seen around for quite some time. We had a very low match percent.
Him: Hey sexy. You want to get together sometime and have some fun?
Him: Why not? :/
Me: Why would I? There’s very little on your profile and we have an extremely low match percent.
Him: What would you like to know? That means nothing.
Me: Yes, actually, it does, so thanks, but I’m not interested.
Another case of trying to guilt a girl into going out with him. We had absolutely nothing in common and he thought I’d be easy and desperate to “have some fun”.
Another from the archives of my OkCupid Inbox. This one was a little odd.
Him: Hey there! Looking good dear. Having any luck here?
Me: Thanks. Not really any luck here.
Him: On a scale of one to ten how much do you love bi men?
Me: Um.. I’m not going to answer that.
Started off okay, fairly generic message, but not bad. Then he hits it way out into left field by jumping right to asking how much I love bi men, but he gives me a scale! He has since deleted his profile, but I don’t think he listed that he was bi on his profile, so the comment seemed especially odd.
Today I bring you one of my favorite toys today date, the FunFactory Stronic Eins. Cradled as it’s one of my most prized possessions.
Another volley of messages from OkCupid. For this particular set I was feeling extra snarky, which is the only reason I replied to begin with. Plus, the dude was 53.
Him: Lol ok
Me: You are old enough to be my father.
Him: And how did I know that
Really? No idea? You clicked on my profile and looked at my pictures and didn’t notice the age?
Me: … my age is on my profile? And I’d hope you’d know your own age.
Him: Ok. Not all say that. Some like
Me: Good for them. I also have the age range I’m looking for on my profile.
Him: I understand. But just checking
Yes, I’ll just check. Obviously all the text and such on this profile is just a ruse to get guys to work to prove they are really interested.
This week’s fail is another from OkCupid. Now before I start I should tell you that the guys username was “dickthatdontqut “. Classy huh?
Him: Z had any good dick lately I’m here to please like you’re typing your style
I was tempted to ask him what good dick was or something about not fucking any zombies so it’s been good.
Me: Uhh… no thanks
Him: By that I mean grab a bite to eat perhaps a drink I was wondering if you like black men
Uh huh… so asking if you have any good dick is really just code for wanting to go out and if I like a particular race.
Me: Still no thanks
Him: Do you not like black men sorry it the way that I came to you earlier but I consider myself a go getter when I see something I like I try my hardest to get it
Me: It has nothing to do with the color of your skin. It’s your message and your username and you are also over an hour away. I’m not interested.
Yes… because obviously the only reason why I would not want to talk to him is because he’s black. Not the awful username or asking if I’ve had any good dick. But hey, he’s a go getter. That makes it all better.
This Tuesday I present you the Tantus Vamp.
It’s always fun when I get to refer back to another Dating Fail. This post will be the third post about this one guy. So, back in Dating Fails #82 and #80, this guy messaged me the same message on both OkCupid and Plenty of Fish. Well, I thought that’d be the end of him. Unfortunately I was wrong. A few weeks ago he struck again, back on OkCupid with a new username.
Him: Hey, what’s up? Want to grab a drink (doesn’t have to be alcoholic) or something? Of course after we get to know each other!
Me: This is the third time you have messaged me with various usernames…
Him: Okay and?
Me: Clearly I am not interested if you’ve attempted twice and it’s gone no where.
I think that should be obvious. It’s not like I ignored him both times.
Me: You copy and paste the same message to god knows how many girls without realizing that you’ve messaged the same girl again. That’s why.
Honest, to the point. Now this is where it gets good. I haven’t gotten one of these kind of messages in a while.
Him: Actually I don’t but God only knows why some fat girl is acting like she’s a super model
Oh, burn dude! Only not.
Me: Sure. You’re the one that messaged the fat chick and then got butt hurt when they aren’t as easy as you thought. Sorry!
So I’m getting back after all the stress and decided to really dig deep into some message I’ve been saving just for a Dating Fail post.
Him: do you want to fuck tonight
Me: I’m going to go with… No. Or any other night for that matter.
Him: Haha I like your confidence
Me: Thanks, but that doesn’t change my answer
Apparently rejecting a guy is confidence? Or maybe it was the added flair. I’m not really sure what he expected by calling me confident.