Dating Fail #14

Today I’m just going to show you a guys profile.  I speaks pretty much for itself.

About Me:

I like to have sex. I like to have sex everywhere, like in my yacht at the lake, in my BMW roadster, at the Hotel Roanoke, and in fields along the Blue Ridge Parkway in the summer.

When I’m not having sex, I like to ride my mountain bike, listen to music, watch movies, and read. I like to eat, and I like cooking, a lot. I like to fix things – so I’ll fix my computers, cars, upgrade my boat, etc.

I don’t really like lifting weights, but I do it 3 times a week to stay fit for you. I want you to think I look good naked even after the alcohol wears off.

I like to meet new people. I like talking to people. I also like to help others, and actually do help them, when I’m not having sex with them. Or maybe that counts as helping them too.

I like all types of music except most rap and modern country. I like downtempo lounge, 1950s era big band, modern rock, 80s rock, English rock, house and world electronica, pop, alternative, folk, bluegrass, reggae, various Latin based, African tribal and modern electronica, Irish punk, English folk, Scottish folk, Persian traditional and modern electronica, Indian electronica, and on and on… I have not had much experience with east Asian music.

Maybe if you would like to have sex after cooking and eating while listening to music on my yacht, we could get along famously.

First Date:

I’d have sex.

No, not really. Despite how much I like sex, I won’t have sex on the first date. I don’t want to catch something. I prefer to know at least a little bit about who I’m penetrating.

If you want to let me see you naked, let me know.

I can’t tell if this is a joke profile or not.  Though, I love how he thinks you can only catch something by having sex on a first date.

2 comments to Dating Fail #14

  • Misfit Momma aka Missy

    To be honest, this profile probably would have caught my attention in a positive way. In fact, if he’s good looking I would say he is the perfect man.

    1. He’s honest (About the sex at least. Lets assume everything else is true too.)
    2. He can cook
    3. He’s handy
    4. He’s obviously got money
    5. He’s got a sense of humor

  • lucid

    It’s a complete joke of a profile. Not to mention he sounds like a complete douchebag that’s utterly full of himself. Not my idea of the perfect man.

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