Today’s fail comes from OkCupid. It’s a little disappointing because it’s from a guy that I might have actually been into except for… well read it for yourself.
“Hey Jen, Damond here. Being a young woman who seems I can identify with being a geek and all, I wanted to ask you about this poly thing. Most of you lovely ladies that pop up in high matching for me are into it. Also PlayStation or Xbot? I know you don’t game as much but gotta see how epic a mount you might be”
Starts off well but the second sentence doesn’t make sense. “Being a young woman who seems I can identify with” errr…. you aren’t a woman? Or are you reminding me that I am? Okay though about asking about the poly. Interesting that he says a lot of his matches say that they are poly, especially when he calls himself a serial monogamist on his profile. If he had left it at that, I probably would have responded and talked about poly. But he goes on…
Next he asks me about my gaming and which system I prefer, though he misspells “Xbox”, kind of amusing. If he had even left it at asking about my gaming preferences, I would have responded. But he goes on to tell me he has to see how “epic a mount” I might be. Maybe it was intended to be funny, but to me it comes off as gross and crass. No thanks.
Also in a Dating Fail first. As I was writing up this post he sent me another message, probably because I had looked at his profile again. Nothing long just a “poke poke”. Because obviously if I didn’t respond to the message you sent weeks ago, poking me will remind me right?
I’ve been doing this blog series for some time now. It’s something I look forward to writing and helps me to not feel as bad about some of the weird and often just plain stupid messages I get. However, there is only so much I can post by myself, just because I don’t get a ton of messages. However, a few months ago I stumbled across OKC IRL. I watched the video, found it amusing and didn’t think anything else about it. Recently I’ve been putting out tentacles looking for more submissions for my Dating Fails and someone pointed me to the Twitter for Paul Roth who has since made more more OKC IRL videos. These videos feature actors that go up to other actors and say one line messages that people have actually sent on OkCupid and the other person reacting. It’s amusing and helps show just how ridiculous some of the messages people send are.
What does this have to do with my Dating Fail? Well I’m pleased to announce that Sex Toy Geek will have a featured OKC IRL video coming soon, in addition, I will be doing my usual snark to some of the messages that the videos that have already been uploaded include. Today starts with the first, I will be using OKC IRL 1. Here is the first video, which explains how the series works along with some one liners.
Now that you’ve seen the video, here are my thoughts on the messages that are used in it.
“can i punt you?”
… Punt? Really? Do I look like a football?
“When was your last bowel movement?”
I know there are people that like scat play… but that shit (pun intended) needs to be approached slowly. Or maybe I just look like I’m full of shit. I do have brown eyes ya know.
“Come cuddle with me tonight!!! #WhitewineflowerscandlesNetflix! :-*”
Hashtags… you’re doing them wrong. So very wrong. Plus there’s only one thing in that message I like. Netflix. I can do that alone. K thx bai.
Today’s fail doesn’t come from a first message, or even a series of messages that was just going poorly to start with. I had messaged a guy and we started chatting. The subject of Doctor Who came up, he was knowledgeable about it, so I assumed that it was something he was into. Plus, really, who DOESN’T like Doctor Who? From the conversation, it was clear that it was something I really enjoy. However, it turns out he is not a Whovian. I told him I think the show has something for everyone, but he kept pushing back saying he had seen bits and didn’t really like it and such. I was saying I didn’t get into it until I watched quite a bit in order. When I asked if he had started from the beginning of the newer set of series this was the response:
“Well the beginning of the new season and even read a overview on wiki. O just don’t care for the feel, theme, characters, cinematography, production values and themes of the show. Its just something I don’t really want to give a shot at based on what I have seen. I know its hugely popular and a lot of people like it. Its just like I love Tim and Eric bit I know a majority of people don’t and I don’t expect them to.
O… kay then. So is there anything you forgot to list about the show I clearly adore that you can’t possibly stand? He admits to not having seen much and only reading about it and is completely unwilling to even try it. I would at least try to watch a show a partner was really into, but even if it wasn’t for me, I wouldn’t provide a detailed list about everything I found wrong with it, especially if I were just getting to know someone. And if he didn’t want to talk about it, there’s any other ways to handle the situation. However, reflecting back on the whole conversation, I had picked a weird element out of his profile to message about, the conversation didn’t really go anywhere so I pushed and he replied that he had a “whole profile to pull information from” and he didn’t seem to care when I said I had a sinus headache and the giant wall of text that (wasn’t very well organized) on his profile was hard to read. Guess pain isn’t an excuse.
Oh well, you win some and you lose some, and this guy definitely lost my interest.
Today’s fail is thanks to the character limit I have set on Plenty of Fish. So let’s get right to it.
“Hello how are you?……………………………I’m sorry for all this dots….lol………………….. Anyways my name is Eddie and I stoppped to say hi…………………………….:…………omg I just want to get your attention, but I guess I am going to have to write something down…”
“I guess I am going to have to write something down….”
No really? You are on a dating website… and didn’t think that to get a female’s attention you would actually have to send a genuine message? Poor thing he is!
I had thought that I was running a little short on fail worthy material, but I went through some old messages on Plenty of Fish and that’s where I found this winner:
“Hey, with the video games. The love for movies, either going out or buying new ones. I think we have a lot in common. I would like to get to know you more, and possibly go out this summer with you and see a few of those movies we like watching. I’m not a bad guy, a player, or nothing like that. Honestly, I’m an old anime fan looking for his partner in crime, lol, sort a speak. Hit me up.”
Overall, it’s not bad and it does hit on some of the stuff on my profile. What got me more was how he writes. He lists the things but it’ s a bit odd. “The love for movies, either going out or buying new ones.” I actually don’t talk about movies in my profile, I just have them listed as an interest. He also doesn’t list it on his profile. Then he brings up anime, which I have no mention of on my profile and I don’t understand how it relates to partner in crime… Oh, but he makes sure to assure me he’s not a bad guy or a player.
So last week we had a message of a messaging me on two different sites. This week is a guy messaging me twice on the same site by mistake. Here is the first set:
Him: would you be interested in a cute blonde guy
Me: “Cute blonde guy” tells me nothing to know if I would be interested or not. If you read my profile though (which I suggest doing with any woman on here) you’ll see I’m not looking for a hook up.
Now he didn’t respond to that. He also has no picture and very little on his profile. So little I’ll share it all
i am a totally disease free cute blond guy who enjoys meeting women and having a fun time with them . i am very polite , tall , muscular and good looking .
What I’m doing with my life
i am hoping to retire and move to a warm climate someday
I’m really good at
making a woman feel good
The first things people usually notice about me
my blue eyes
You should message me if
you are looking for a guy to come visit you when you need to feel good
So at least he is straight and to the point. But with no pictures, how am I supposed to know if you are cute? Or even if you have blond hair and blue eyes? But if your only qualifications in someone to play with are that they are blond with blue eyes, tall, and polite, then I guess that’s your thing.
So that would have been one thing, just ignored it and left it alone if he hadn’t messaged me again the next day (a seperate message thread).
Him: wanna chat
Me: You messages me yesterday. I haven’t changed my mind.
Him: sorry – wrong person
Me: I would suggest a better strategy.
Him: no – I am honest about what I want – not too many women take me up – but I don’t want to mislead
Wrong person? Okay, this isn’t a text that you typed the name wrong or something and sent it to the wrong person. To message someone on OkCupid you have to click on their profile and then click message. You would have to be doing this in a mass message style to mis-message someone.
He even admits, not many women take him up, but oh he doesn’t want to mislead. Because you totally can’t sort people by what they are looking for, such as casual sex (you can). Or maybe read a person’s profile to see if that’s something that they sound like they are interested in and message them more than a “Hey, you interested?” From that I don’t even know what I’m supposed to be interested in. Give someone something to be interested in and take some interest in them. Plus, if you just want to fuck, there are better sites out there for it than OkCupid.
I have to say… the one I have today is a new one. Remember the dude from Dating Fail #80? If you don’t go refresh yourself, I’ll wait.
(For those that don’t want to wait, the guy sent me a copy-paste mass message, I asked why he thought I was cool, he said he had a good idea of people by looking at them to tell him more about myself, asked about stuff that is clearly listed on my profile, questioned him, and he said he had enough stress and didn’t have time for this).
Back? Alright. So he originally messaged me on OkCupid. Now being on both OkCupid and PlentyofFish you see some crossover of people, though not as much as you’d think. However, I have never had someone message me on BOTH sites. So a few weeks after the original series of messages, I received this message on PlentyofFish:
“Hey, what’s up? I’m not the best at this but you seem like a cool person I’d like to get to know and hang out sometime. I hope to hear back from you?”
That sounded familiar, so I looked at the profile and it was the SAME guy with the exact same pictures. To refresh your memory, this is the message he sent me on OkCupid:
“Hey, what’s up? I’m not the best at this but you seem like a cool person I’d like to get to know and hang out sometime. I hope to hear back from you?”
Word for word, space for space the EXACT. SAME. MESSAGE. Funny, my suspcion of a copy-paste message are true. So I thought I would point out his mistake in messaging me.
Me: You messaged me this same message on another dating site. It ended with you saying you didn’t have time for me because I asked you questions about why you thought I seemed like a cool person.
Him: That’s not how it went at all
Me: Different perspectives. Why would you send me the exact same message on here though? Clearly it did not go well the first time.
Him: Do you want to start over
Ignored my questions, again and then has the BALLS to ask if I want to try it again. Unfortunately I do not have more after that. I knew it was going south quickly and PlentyofFish eats your messages. What I did not expect was for him to block me this time, which means all the messages disappeared.
What I am trying to figure out is if he is just that dumb that he goes through every woman on both sites and sends that message or if he thought I was dumb enough I wouldn’t remember. I understand the mass message approach does work in the long run, but really, what woman responds to these messages? Do people really not see through the genericness of the messages? The constant attempts to reroute the conversation to her without talking about him? It all screams suspicious and fishy to me.
I really shouldn’t have expected much out of a dude making a duck face in his profile picture with the username “LoveMeOrHateMe25″…. but I’ve been so desperate lately I’ve been giving almost anyone a chance, at least through messages. I should have trusted my better judgement.
Him: Hey, what’s up? I’m not the best at this but you seem like a cool person I’d like to get to know and hang out sometime. I hope to hear back from you?
Very copy-paste first message… but like I said I’d give him the benefit of the doubt.
Me: What makes me seem like a cool person? I’m always curious as to what people pick up on from my profile. Also, I’m guessing you are a gamer from one of your pictures.
Him: I can read people well and get a good general idea from just looking at them and yes I am but tell me a little about yourself
Refuses to talk about himself (also noticed in his rather barren profile).
Me: Well what do you want to know?
Him: Height, longest relationship, sports, pets
Wait… what? Height is seriously the first thing he lists on wanting to know? Okay whatever, but dude, that shows you haven’t even looked at my profile seeing as it’s on there… It gets better from there.
Me: Why is height an important factor in getting to know someone?
Him: It isn’t?
Me: Not really… my height has nothing to do with my personality… It’s also on my profile.
Him: Didn’t realize how height was such a sensitive subject haha
Me: It’s not a sensitive subject…. but it seriously has nothing to do with my personality and I don’t see why it is the first thing you list in wanting to know about a person.
Him: Okay whatever I have enough stress take care
Me: Too much stress to answer a simple question on why something is important to you? Alright then.
Him: No but making it into an argument
Me: I am not argument, you are interpreting my messages with your own tone.
Me: Not making it an argument
At this point I just blocked his dumb ass. His stupidity isn’t worth my time.
This post is two of the strangest, non-sexual (at least I think they are non-sexual) messages I have received lately.
In my last post I mentioned that I did upload a new picture. This picture is posing with my first piece of real New York pizza during my trip to NYC. Shortly after I posted it I got this message:
“Hey ma lady! That pizza looks good girrrllll!!!”
Um… thanks? How do you respond to someone telling the random food in your picture looks good? Or maybe it is a sexual-reference that I’ve never heard before.
Next, is a reference to part of my profile. On the part about admitting something private, I talk about how my shoe collection is growing. I received this message:
“Do you want my spare nike hi tops for your collection?”
Err… I don’t collect random people’s shoes? That’s just kinda weird… I don’t have a foot or a shoe fetish. Just… odd
I’ve gotten a huge influx of messages recently, and I’m not really sure why. I uploaded a new picture, but it was a crappy fuzzy picture…. I’ve been meaning to re-write my profile as well. For now though, here is an oddly robotic sounding message I received.
My name is Mike and I enjoyed your profile. I am 100% real and represent the person you read about in my profile. I see that we do not live that far from each other and I would like the opportunity to get to know you.
If you are interested in starting a friendship and see where things go, I do hope to hear back from you”
Definitely a copy paste message that was sent to who knows how many girls. The funny thing is I’m not even that close to the guy, at least in my opinion.
The odd part of the message is his assurance that he is a real person. I’ve never felt the need to assure anyone that I’m real. Perhaps he really is a robot and is trying to cover it up.